In Here We Fall

i really enjoyed my 3 days off, yesterday i had a super fun awesome girly day with my sister and her friend adeele. first we went to look at a apartment we really loved it so we got an application to fill out, then we went to the mall to meet up with adeele and she also set up a free makeover at MAC which is her favorite makeup place. the guy that did my makeup was amazing he gave me great tips and had me hold a mirror and watch how he did my makeup. i got some new stuff to get me started i needed to be pampered i had a rough week at work so it felt nice to look like a moviestar. after the mall we went to get some food we went to bw3s i got a tall glass of blue moon beer with an orange i felt like i deserved it, we ate wings and laughed. then we stopped by petsmart so nat could check on her paycheck of course i had to go look at the dogs and cats they were so cute. nat and adeele went to play mini golf i just relaxed in bed, after they got back they hooked up his 360 and we played some streetfighter he had like arcade controls it was awesome. after that we went on our little roadtrip to take him home we stopped at taco bell, i must say ive never had so much fun at a taco bell but my sister really makes anything fun even walmart trips. so we dropped him off and we had a good talk on the way back so all in all yesterday was pretty awesome. today wasnt too bad either i got to sleep in and relax we dropped off the app and did some more running around, tommrow morning i have an interview at kohls and im super excited i hope i get it; i like shell but i need some more money. some plans may change but i cant wait to move out. life is really moving for me i love where its going and im not going to stop im going to keep on truckin.

im counting down the days until luke gets here. i have a countdown clock on my profile and its hello kitty lol yes im a dork. im so excited that he set a date and is actually coming back to me i miss him so much. i had the worst day yesterday i was ready to scream by the time the night was over, first off the internet wouldnt work upstairs which was making me crazy then i had to work. i was so tired and grumpy and the customers were being jerks, then i had a customer who was having trouble with the pump i preset the pump 2 times like he asked then he tried another pump his wife used her card they got about 5 bucks worth of gas; it only charges you what you pump. so they left then after a bit my printer jams awesome so i had to open the other register then later in the night that old couple comes back and is like we were charged 100 dollars and we didnt pump that, i said no you didnt pump anything so you didnt get charged they argued of course. so then the wife calls the bank then they leave not even 5 minutes later i see the sheriff pull up, THEY CALLED THE DAMN SHERIFF ON ME!!! i wasnt scared i didnt start crying i kind of laughed and was pissed, the officer comes in i explain everything to him he turns to them and says ok its just a preset you didnt get charged for it ill make a note of what happend it will be dropped off your account within 2 days have a nice night. ya i was done i had enough i drove home made myself some dinner then pouted in my room for the rest of the night, i normally let that stuff go but this was just crazy and i couldnt believe they did that to me. today was a much better day and tommrow is going to be even better. i no longer hate everything life is good again.

hello everyone i figured it was time for a blog. things are moving right along nicely. ive been working working working and saving that money, ive also been getting over a little cold. today i feel back to normal but i was pretty sick for a week or so. today nat and i went apartment hunting we found 2 that we really liked one we got to look at and the other wont be ready to look at until saturday so we are going back to check it out, looking at the floorplan of the second one its bigger and a little nicer for the price, the location is really good too. nat is getting closer and closer to getting her car i hope she finds one very soon, she also starts her second job tommrow at the melting pot; shes growing up so fast im so proud of her. im hoping i wont have to get a second job as of right now im working full time but who knows what could happen the next couple weeks, im willing to do anything it takes. luke has finally set a date for his move down here i called him tonight and told him that nat and i could not sign a lease until we knew for sure when he was coming down here, which is true because he is bring a lot of things we need. he has decided on november 2nd which is perfect it gives us all more time to save money and make plans, he is also bringing nat's cat sadie with him which is so super nice of him to do. the next month is going to be the longest of my life im so excited i cannot wait to be with luke again this time apart has been really rough, its getting to him too. so life is really good and moving along the way i want it to. ive also lost about 15 pounds which is an amazing amount for only a month and a half, ive been eating better and staying away from junk if i do eat it its only once and awhile. i feel really good about my future and how my life is going now, im so glad i moved im doing so much better here. i have really grown and changed for the better i feel like i can do anything now

thought i would blog before i went to work. im on my 6th day in a row i still have to work tommrow then im off friday and saturday, friday is going to be a super fun day for us. we have a full day planned well first we have to take care of driving stuff nat needs to switch her license and i have to get a state inspection and plates but before i can do all that i have to get texas car insurance that is coming along nicely, every place we check its cheaper and cheaper. i got my health insurance set up with work yay!! once i get my insurance card im going to the doctor to get a physical then im getting glasses then im getting my teeth cleaned. things are really falling into place for me im doing really really well and im very happy here im so glad i moved. im getting really excited because its september that means luke will be here very soon, im flying up there to drive down with him and i cannot wait!!! when he picks a date that he is leaving which i hope he does soon im going to put in my request at work im going to take like 4 days off, that will give us plenty of time to get down here and get him settled. i looked through a apartment guide yesterday at work i found tons of places for really cheap, i love being with my mom but im itching to move out i know im ready; i know what to do and how to balance out everything. since im finding such cheap insurance both health and car im not worried at all im really excited and so proud of myself i have really come a long way. thats about it for now im sleeping better at night no more nightmares and ive been able to settle down and fall asleep, there are so many fun and exciting things coming up its hard for me to settle down. i keep telling myself one step at a time.

today i had the most wonderful fun healing day with my mother. it is what we needed we needed that time together, we bonded on a whole new level today. after we dropped nat off at work we went to eat then we talked and talked, then we went to see about insurance i learned a lot just from that. then we went and got my car washed on the outside and inside its so shiny and smells so good now, then we went to walmart got a bunch of stuff we needed it felt so good to pay for my own stuff or to have money at all was amazing. then we dropped off the stuff and headed to the mall to play around man was it fun!! ive never had so much fun shopping in my life and i really really like the woodlands mall ive never liked a mall but i love this one. we went to lane bryant i got some new panties and we saw a bunch of stuff we wanted i couldnt buy anything else but i made a mental note of what i want to get at some point, then we were off to find me a new purse. we were like kids in a candystore we went purse crazy we saw so many that we loved my mom even got 2 purses!! i found the perfect one i just love it i finally got to give nat her purse back ive had it for months lol. we were so excited about purses and so tired at the same time that by the time we reached the car my mom realized she was missing her lane bryant bag lol!! i just laughed about it so we walked back in the mall back to where we were and there it was sitting on the shelf, what a relief. we made it back to the car and we were a little late picking nat up from work it was still funny. we made it back home and had dinner it was quite a hilarious dinner we kept making each other laugh so hard, the whole vibe of the day was so wonderful which made for a very nice evening. i am so freakin tired but i cant sleep for some reason ive been having this problem the past couple nights, i dont like it i can barely stay awake during the day all i think about it sleep but when it comes time to go to sleep i cant do it. my mom said she knows someone who i can talk to who is a therapist, i need to make sure im alright mentally. i was diagnosed with ADD when i was real young and i think its getting worse as i get older my relationship suffers because of it, im so lucky i have luke i dont know how he puts up with my crap i would have dumped me months ago lol but he loves me a lot; for some reason he can look past all my issues. i know that since the move i am much better my mind feels much clearer and i can focus on what i need to do, im not giving up or giving in to any problems i come upon. life is so sweet and so good for me right now.

its been awhile so i thought i would update. im still at shell i was hating it for awhile and i was having a hard time learning the job, im still having trouble but not as much as before. this week ive only been working 2nd shift so thats been helping me sleep better. i was off today and im off tommrow which i really need, i need this time to relax and reset myself that job can burn me out pretty fast. tommrow my mom and i are spending the day together what she has planned for us is going to be so much fun!! i cant wait!! yesterday i made some friends finally which makes me feel really good im hoping to go hang out with them on friday after work, so i hope i have a good night so i feel like going out. nat also made a friend too i got to meet him the other night hes really smart and funny he really likes nat its so cute, the drive to take him home was long but very fun we made each other laugh the whole time. luke is finally on his vacation i thought it would never get here cuz after he gets back he can get ready to come back to me, believe me im counting down the minutes. i was having my doubts for a little while just some of the things he was saying made me think he wouldnt move down here with me. we talked last night and the things he told me made me never doubt him again, he always does that i dont know why i ever ever doubt him he has never given me a reason. so now i feel more positive and more driven to have our life and future together. nat and i are going to send him 250 each to help pay for the truck and because he is moving our stuff, i want to send him a little extra here and there to help me along faster whether he wants to use it for the move or to get caught up on his bills; whatever i can do to help my love get here i will do. of course he tells me thank you but also make sure im taken care of i also have to remind him that i know what im doing and if i cant send extra i wont but if i can im going to. i got my first check last week i got some overtime and i got payed for it that was a huge surprise. i opened my bank account that made me feel real good to see all that money go to something or just to see that all my hard work totally payed off. im waiting for my hello kitty card thats right hello kitty im super excited for that and it will have my picture on it. i think thats it for now im loving my life and im doing really really well here, im so glad i moved. of course i miss some things but i dont miss them as much as i thought i would. i hope everyone is doing well and life is being kind to you.

i started my job today not too bad for a first day, its not a hard job just a lot to learn and remember. i really like my manager she is a no bs kind of person and i respect that and shes very easy to get along with. i like the job i get to piss people off for doing my job which is fun and i dont have to take anyones shit!!! this morning i took this long training thing to get certified to seel alcohol its required by the state of texas, man they dont play around! if you sell to a minor or someone who is already drunk or a mentally ill person you are busted, if minors are caught trying to buy or caught consuming they are busted. i learned a hell of a lot about what alcohol does and some truths and myths about alcohol, i felt like a med student or something it was really pretty cool. i was able to tell my manager about my "dr appointment" so she is going to let me go to that but i have to come back which is fine, i need the money. i am working 6am to 2pm the rest of this week which is going to be rough but im willing to do it, next week im not sure what she is going to have me do. i think i did a pretty good job today i started getting the hang of things, i think by monday ill be fine on my own. i hope i can work at shell and pet fair ill know more tommrow. today is mine and luke's 1 year anni yay!! go us!!! i cant believe its been a year already, i hate that we have to be apart but at least we got to go out before i left to celebrate; he is going to call me later i want to talk about our first year together. ive also been working out nat has been showing me the right way to do it and giving me some pointers, im tired of being overweight plus i want to look great for when luke gets here. he has got me going crazy trying to figure out his surprise for me, he gave me some silly hints so ive been asking everyone what they think. i dont have anything else going on at the moment i think ill go take a nap but i will leave you with this little riddle: what is smaller than a car bigger than the world and cheaper than a laptop??? im lost.

i got a job!!! i start training tommrow at 6am ugh thats early but hey its a job. im so proud of myself im still going to look for a better job but this is a great start for me, i can stop freaking out about being able to pay for my car and cell phone; all is right in the world again. saturday we are going to look at apartments im even more excited because me and nat both have jobs so it doesnt seem like a far away dream, it will actually happen im so happy i can get my life rolling. i went to walmart today to get black pants and new work shoes, its only part time for now im starting at 7.50 it seems low but because i will be working a full 8 hour shift i will be making more than i was at boston market. this job doesnt seem too bad or too hard plus im getting paid for the 4 days of training so that is nice and i get free mcdonalds, i may or may not use that i dont eat mcdonalds because it hurts my stomach so much; i was looking at what we can get for free some of it i think will be alright hey free coffee is good enough for me. the heat is unbelieveable it was 101 yesterday and today its the same, i felt sick all day yesterday and today i have no energy; i was sweating a lot even in walmart. i am so tired ive been getting up real early all week so i think im going to take a nap im going to need all the rest i can get, i havent seen 6am for a very long time boy i cant wait. i miss luke so much now that i have a job the time should go by pretty fast, i cannot wait until he gets back from his cruise because after that he can come down at anytime; i hope he has fun though he said he was going to see his grandpa and spends quality time with his family i know it means a lot to him and his family. ok im falling asleep i need to go to sleep, take care everyone wish me luck!!

i got an interveiw at 9am tommrow!!! its a shell/mcdonalds, the manager at the mcdonalds said if they dont have a spot for me at the shell that she will def have a place for me at the mcdonalds. im really excited i can finally get money and my life rolling thank goodness i was really starting to loose my mind.

i went to the temp place today, took the skills test and filled out all the papaerwork only to find out because of my arrest i cannot go to any temp places for 2 years when its off my record, usually with news like that i would shut down and blow up but i was calm and collected; i took it as practice. it just made me even more motivated to find a job i refuse to give up i dont have a choice, plus my moms support has really helped me get through this she tells me it will be ok and not to fret. i keep my head up and keep going thats all i can do i have an app to drop off tommrow and some more to pick up and i sent out my resume to a lot of places today, somebody has to call back. nat started her new job today im so proud of her she has to be there at 8 tommrow i want to take her but that is so early and none of the stores i want to go to tommrow wont be open that early, so im hoping my mom takes her in. not much else going on i wish there was though, im alone with my thoughts a lot it makes me miss luke so much it makes me crazy i need something else to fill my time im hoping thats a job soon. im getting through this the best i can, i miss you guys.

i finally have a direction, after i do my basic classes i am going to be a respitory therapist. its a program that they will pay for me to go to school for it, its a 2 year program and i looked on salary.com and it makes great money i also read what the job is and i think i would enjoy it a lot. if not its something to pay the bills i could always go back and do other things, there is so much i could do. i love medicine i like hospitals so i really think this is the direction i need to go in. i feel better now that i have an idea of what im doing with my life.

today was an awesome day it is just what i needed, i feel much better and more motivated. i went to look at houses with my mom and judy they are going to move so they are having a house built so we looked at some models, i learned some much today and i rode in a hybrid car for the first time lol. the lady was super nice and super helpful i think mom and judy decided on what they wanted they just have to talk about the inside. it really made me realize that i can have things like that i have a lot of work ahead of me to get there but i know i can do it and i am more excited about my future. luke is having some money issues i tried my best to be there for him and give him advice but he just got pissy with me so i decided to leave him alone, no matter what i say it wont help or make him feel better so im backing off; i dont want to get into a fight. we are both stressed about being apart and he wants to get here so bad but there are so many bumps to get over first, it doesnt help that he doesnt really tell me anything he doesnt tell me his progress so how am i supposed to know where he is with things; i didnt know that the 2 weeks he took for vacation were paid just little things like that. so he can talk to me when hes ready to no reason for me to push buttons. not much else going on still looking for a job but my mom told me to take a break from it. so i am off to relax and enjoy my saturday. take care.

ok so things have gotten a little stressful. nat had her interview today then i took her to take a drug test which is a good sign they want her to work there, i however havent gotten a call back yet and im really starting to stress. i know its only been a week but i still feel on edge i keep applying places and doing call backs, i did get a call back from a temp place today and the pet fair place told me to call monday so im hoping monday is my day. next week i am going out everyday until i get a job i wont give up i cant give up, there are still plenty of places for me to go i just hope i get a call soon; i forgot how much job hunting sucks. im keeping positive and keeping my head up i cant be negative it will get me nowhere, my problem is i want things so quickly i have to learn to be patient and take one step at a time. not much else is going on other than looking for work, im hoping for a better week next week.

i cant even believe how hot it is here, i mean i knew texas was hot but the summertime is like really bad. today nat and i went out again we looked for me jobs and got her a top and new shoes for when she gets an interview. tommrow my mom is going to get us up early to go for a walk and get an earlier start to job hunting we have been going out when it is just too damn hot. thursday is going to be a very busy day my mom has the day off and she is taking us to a temp agency and a job training place, also we are going to the college to get things rolling for that i am so excited; i actually miss going to school. it will be really neat and interesting going to a new school in a new state, im sure a lot of things are the same but there has to be a lot of things different about it too; hell texas itself is like being in a different country. not much else is going on yet im hoping to get a call back on a job soon. thats it for now folks.

today was the start of my first week of my new life. nat and i went to the woodlands wall to get job apps, we made it all by ourselves!! i was so proud of us for doing that, we went all over the place we filled them out and turned them in right away. we took a break and had a wonderful lunch together then we were off again to get and fill out some more apps. we got a good amount in today i felt so accomplished and we are hoping for call backs, tommrow we are going back to get nat an interview outfit and then we are going up and down the strip looking for more jobs. we are feeling really positive about things and we are ready for the next step, nat said shes feeling pretty lonely it hasnt really hit me yet; sure i miss everyone but im still feeling so numb to things. i still feel like im in a dream my mom said it hasnt sunk in for her yet either but as time passes im sure it will seem more and more real. not much else going on at the moment wish us luck on the job call backs, take care everyone we miss you all lots and lots.

hello from texas!!! nat and i have made it safely to our new home. it was a long but fun journey for us, we left thursday around 4am it was a rough start for us; my nerves and excited made me puke a lot before we left and nat got no sleep. we finally managed to get everything in the car and ready to go nat was such a trooper and drove first so i could relax and feel better. after we drove for a bit i felt so much better im so glad too. about half way through kentucky we stopped had some lunch and took some pictures i will be sure to post them asap, the drive was just beautiful and we had a lot of fun. out of the whole trip we only missed 2 exits we managed to turn around and get back on track with no problem, we didnt get super lost and it was a pretty easy drive. by the time we got to our hotel in little rock we were beat and very sunburnt and we stank i felt bad for the desk clerk lol she was really nice to us though. we got to our room took showers then went back downstairs to get some food, as soon as nat was done eating she was out for the count; i layed in bed watching tv for awhile. after a good night sleep we were ready to go again the second day was cake compared to the first day but we had a few issues come up. first i couldnt find my wallet which was real bad because nat didnt have a whole lot of money left for gas and we didnt know if we would make it good thing we had lots of support, then i thought i lost the ring that luke had given to me that belonged to a good friend of his. we stopped for gas in arkansas i felt in my pocket and there was the ring, that was a big relief for me i felt like such a bad girlfriend. we made it to texas my mom and judy were so happy to see us and that we made it ok, i felt so proud of me and nat for doing this move it was a big thing for us. we went out to eat talked and laughed then we went to walmart to get some things, we spent the evening unpacking and getting settled. today i found my wallet another huge relief for me i payed nat back because she spent all the money she had i owe her a lot more i love her so much, she really helped me keep it together. we had ribs for dinner tonight it was sooooo goooood i was in heaven, my mom bought us a cake that said welcome to texas yall it was so sweet. like i said i will get pictures up asap it was a fun trip and now we are ready for our new lives, it really feels nice to be with our mom again. we miss everyone so much though, we are thinking of you guys always.

that is the distance nat and i have to go. the closer the day gets the more excited i get, this trip is going to be amazing i can feel it, me and nat need to do this im ready for the challenges. i know my life is going to be amazing i cannot wait!!! i dont even know how to feel im excited im nervous im restless im a little scared but ready to do this. the best part of it is the love and support nat and i have from everyone. that alone is getting us through this and thank you thank a million times thank you to all of you. right before i started typimg this blog i was reading the directions and looking at a map, im going to study it. this weekend was just amazing and just what i needed, my party was awesome thank you luke i love you and all the people there were amazing and very supportive thank you i love you all! another thing i am so amazed about is the things my friends gave me to take with me, all of them put so much thought into it i was so tickled by that. so that was saturday sunday luke and i slept all day, then we went to quiznos yum then we went and saw ice age 3 it was really cute and funny. then we went to cold stone and ate ice cream he even got me some to take home, then we set off fireworks; perfect way to end a sunday. today i packed and cleaned took care of the animals, now i am enjoying my evening next im taking a hot shower. im feeling really really super good and lucky and blessed, i feel like i could hug the world.

i cant sleep and i have to work at 9am around 4 i gave up trying so i decided to look up if cats can fly on airplanes, turns out they can but because i have a persian her face is flat she will have breathing problems so i cant take her with me; ive decided to give her away. i dont feel like a bad person at least im doing the right thing i hope i can find someone to love her care for her and keep me updated on how shes doing, and let me visit her when i fly up to ohio. i love her so much but its just too much hassle and it will cost too much money for me to get her to texas, i will do everything in my power to find her a good home cuz i refuse to take her to the pound. i feel a deep sadness in my heart that i have to do this but with change comes loss and i have to deal with it. i know im going to cry a lot when she goes maybe even for days, the pain and sadness will pass and i will move on with my life. as long as i know she will be ok i know i have done something right, i am really sorry my little hoshi but i cannot keep you anymore. i hope i find her a home close to when im leaving so it wont be as bad. its going to be so hard for me. if anyone wants the cutest sweetest little kitty in the world or if you know someone who would want her please let me know.

alright here we go i know what im about to say will get all different kinds of responses but it needs to be said. so no matter what i do or how hard i try i simply cannot get on my feet and even when i get so close they get swept from under me again and again, i have finally decided to move to texas in july. i realize its not far off but i cannot live like this anymore im losing my mind, my wonderful boyfriend can only do so much and believe me he has done way more than his share, im making him go broke and i refuse to do it anymore. i have been putting plans in motion for this move ive thought about it in a million different ways and this is the best way to go, im not going to make it until october its just not going to happen; with my job not giving me the hours i need and its next to fucking impossible to get a job out here i have to leave at this point. its going to suck at first it really will but i have no choice i am desperate, i want to have a normal life the stress is really getting me it fucks with my sleep and im sick of it. the next couple of weeks are going to be busy for me but i am completely willing to do all of it, i will do whatever it takes. im having trouble getting my fasfa stuff sent which is just a minor bump, i have to get my car ready for that journey i also need to find a bank to switch to and as soon as i get there find a doctor to go to so i can keep getting my birth control. that one isnt a big because i wont see luke for a couple months but i dont think i can deal with a regular period the last one i had i swore i would never deal with again lol. soon im going to ask my work if i can transfer down to texas so i at least have a job when i get there, then i can be looking elsewhere. so enough is enough its time to take action things arent getting any better so its up to me to fix it. im going to miss everyone so very much and july 11th luke is having a going away bbq at his house, everyone is invited it is bring your own beer but we will have food and some beer. also anyone who comes to the party must bring me one thing to take with me to remember you by, i want to have a piece of everyone going with me cuz im going to miss you all very very much.

ok so today things have done a complete 180, last night my dog was returned by a neighbor i guess he was just walking up and down the street with another stray dog like he was on a date lol. im glad hes ok and we got him back because i really do love that dog. last night i slept very well which was nice the last few nights i havent been sleeping that well, my dreams have been active and i wake up a lot knock on wood no night terrors for a bit. today i cleaned the house for my dads return he was gone a week just doing his thing. then i started another project and my handsome amazing boyfriend showed up, he got his hair cut it looks very nice he also shaved so he looks clean and awesome. we covered each other in kisses made each other laugh then went to find some dinner, even that was fun. then after that godbless his heart he took me to kroger to get some important things we needed at home, no matter how bad things get he is always there to help me the best way he can; he really is going to make a wonderful husband and father i cannot wait. my dad is back home he got some really nice early bday gifts for natalie which i thought was so sweet of him, no matter where he goes he is always thinking about us i love that about my dad. i had a really good night the only shitty thing was luke had to leave early because his allergies were really bad, since its been so hot we have had the windows shut and the air on and we have a lot of pets; hes allergic to cats we have 3 plus a dog that all shed like mad. im hoping the house will air out enough for him to be able to come over plus hes going to pop a lot of meds so he doesnt get an attack that bad again.i also hope that aunt flow holds off tommrow so i can go swimming but we shall see. thats it for now i was hoping for rain tonight but nothing has happend so far. take care everyone.